[Installment five of previously published articles, corrected and addended.]
With deep regret, especially during election cycles it seems, we all know someone whom we believe is "inherently bad, wicked and villainous" and that those persons "should be severely blamed and punished" (according to Albert Ellis & Paul Hauck). There are just some people that are clearly wrong in their behavior and/or their beliefs or even their personality. We don't want to associate with them, we don't want them moving into our neighborhood and we don't want our kids bringing them home as friends or dates.
The major problem is that they do live in our neighborhood, sometimes in our own house, and we work with them. They are our neighbors, our work colleagues and some times members of our family. Sadly, some of us even feel that this is a description of our self; that we are essentially bad or no good. To find that kind of fault in another, or in one's self, is an irrational double-fault.
We all know someone, the criminal, the liar or cheat, the drug abuser, the dilettante or the flake, or the narcissist. Scripture tells us Jesus knew these folks as well. In fact, he spent so much time with "those kind of people" that the "normal" folks started to gossip and complain and blame Jesus for his choice of friends (disciples even) and dinner companions.
The Gospels tell us stories of Jesus breaking with societal expectations, eating and drinking with tax collectors and prostitutes, talking with women and letting them touch him, of him healing the sick, the infirmed, the lame and the possessed and dispossessed. The cultural understanding of the time (today?) was that a person's life situation reflected their relative state of grace, disgrace or sin. (Who sinned, this person or one of their parents?).
Rather than blame them for their situation, Jesus called them to responsibility (response - ability) and forgiveness. "Take up your pallet and walk" or "go and do what the scriptures require of you and then present yourself to the priests." Or, who accuses you, go and sin no more. "If you find you have sinned against another, leave your gift at the altar and go to seek forgiveness before you present your gift to God."
Simon Peter (and a few others after him) was accused of associating with wrong people as well, especially when he responds to the request of Cornelius, a Roman Centurion, hated among Jews and Christians. Peter's answer is "God has shown me that I should not call anyone profane or unclean" (Acts 10:28, NRSV). Likewise, Paul reminds the church at Rome (and a few other places), that "there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1, NRSV). Most often applied to the condemnation of unbelievers, the message also can be read so that we are not to condemn others, no matter their situation. There is therefore now no double-fault (others or our own).
This is different from carte blanc, that anything anyone does is a right and a good thing to do. It means we are called to put the thought and energy into separating the behavior of a person from their God-given grace as a human being. We can learn to accept people without having to approve of their actions. Subsequently, we don't have to disturb our emotional balance by reacting so strongly, with so much feeling, to their behavior.
Many live with so much emotional reactivity that they are giving the control of their thoughts, their emotions, their bodies and their actions over to another person, even one we deem as fundamentally flawed or wrong. A more psychologically/spiritually grounded response would deal with our feelings and actions as well as those of the other: "Some people commit acts that are antisocial and inappropriate, even harmful. They usually do so out of ignorance, stupidity or emotional upset/illness. I will try to induce more constructive action from them, but it is useless and upsetting for me to accuse, attack or blame them."
Self-blamers can follow this as well. "Sometimes I commit acts that are antisocial and inappropriate, even harmful. I usually do so out of ignorance, stupidity, poor training/upbringing, or emotional upset. When I do so, I can forgive myself, seek forgiveness and make amends to others and change my behavior in the future." I can remind myself that Jesus came, not as a physician to the well, but to those in need of healing and growth. God desires, not sacrifice, but mercy, justice and love. All of us fall short at times, and we are called to live and do better the next time.
[Please feel free to share with others, to comment, to put forth questions, disagreements and silly stories. An addition this month: see accompanying "Rob's Recommended Reading List". RoB]