Joshua chose how long life and learning would last for him. Both the life and the learning ended too soon for me and that pisses me off. Such is life: good news and bad news come together and we control neither. What happens to us is out of our control, no matter how hard we wish it. How we respond to what happens is our task. A basic definition of mental health is to learn to live with the dichotomy and paradox presented by life. Josh was born in 1976, The Year of the Dragon in Asian folklore and the Bicentennial of the Declaration of Independence. A confluence of Eastern and Western beliefs about the meaning of dragons.
Dragons are dangerous in the Western view and are spirit guides in the East. Many approach death and loss as experiences and memories of hurt to be avoided, repressed, distracted from. By trying to deny the negative feelings, we lose the positives because we have only one emotive system. In accepting the hurt and pain, we gain the pleasurable memories of gifts given. The way to continue to receive the gifts of loved ones who have gone on, is to pay it forward. To share with, to teach others is to re-member (literally) to join with again, the one no longer physically present with us. Josh did that in his life, giving of his gifts and graces to others at the UMCP and the 9:30 Club. The awarding of a scholarship is a gift of loss and pain, of learning and gain to continue Josh’s legacy.
I want to share a few life lessons, as Joshua would if able, including always carry a Sharpie, a flashlight, a knife, a lighter and a multi-tool. Early in life he learned that people do judge a book by its cover. Larger than life in body and spirit, Josh learned to find healthy measures for is growth. Adults may treat you poorly and say hurtful things, but if puppies and little children like you then you are alright inside. Attend to Oscar Wilde’s advice: “Be yourself, everyone else is taken”. Dr. Seuss was a wise teacher that Josh carried from childhood into a childlike maturity of later years. Seuss says: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.
Shel Silverstein was another mentor. In “Listen to the Mustn’ts” from Where the Sidewalk Ends , Shel says: “Listen to the Musn’ts child, Listen to the Don’ts, Listen to the Shouldn’ts, the Impossibles, the Won’ts. Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me – Anything can happen, child. ANYTHING can be”. Allison, the recipient of this year’s scholarship, sent a thank you letter to our family in which she shared that she had known Josh and even taken training from him on what he called “customer service”. While sorting Josh’s papers, his sister Kara found the notes from one of his workshops, perhaps the one Allison attended. Notes: I’m about to give a talk at the security training session for the company that gave me my start in the business a very long time ago. My notes say “How not to be a Bouncer,” but it was titled “Professional Security Etiquette” on the agenda . I plan to curse and make bad jokes and show a clip from Road House. Etiquette is my specialty.
In conclusion, I would add a new gift for me that I would have shared with Joshua had he not died. It comes from Anthony de Mello, a 20th century Jesuit scholar. “In the world of the Spirit, you cannot walk by the light of someone else’s lamp. You want to borrow mine. I’d rather teach you how to make your own.”
FOR TERPS ONLY. A GIFT: when you walk past Testudo, rub his nose in memory of loved ones gone ahead on the journey of life; and likewise when you walk by Jim Henson and Kermit on the bench say “Hi”. Josh would. Continue the Rainbow Connection.
Questions, comments, disagreements, snide remarks and silly stories welcome.