The two most common approaches to the learning journey are really attempts to not learn. The first involves ignoring Dr. Einstein and pretending that if I keep repeating my same behavior, I will get a different outcome. This includes believing that eventually other people will “grow up” and change, thereby fixing my problem. Second, people take on a “pseudo-zen” form of “what will be, will be.” On the outside they try to appear calm, while inside they harbor anger, resentment, guilt or surrender to (blame) a higher power. Both of these are classic avoidant behavior involving over and under functioning on our part. That is, fully embracing that we can change our mind to solve our problems. No amount of trial and error, testing, reading textbooks, consulting teammates or therapists or theologians will fix our baggage until we accept it is ours and change our thoughts and actions.
The process is to wrestle (see Jacob and the Angel at the river Jabok) with the stuff of life, be wounded, find new ways to think and act and then be healed by continue walking. With a limp. Whether one chooses to wrestle in a self-directed way (remember the physician who prescribes for self has a fool for a patient and for a provider), or find a guide/therapist/guru/teacher/mentor, there will be growth only through change and discomfort. No discomfort, no growth. There are no magic fixes. The only magic is that which we make for ourselves as we learn and grow. We can’t get out of the fire swamp. We can learn to live in it and celebrate.
I think, today, that Joshua learned how to help others to do this. I think, today, he did not learn to share enough with others about himself, that he could then learn the healing of their acceptance and love for him, as he was, as he was growing in life, as he loved and accepted them. WIP my son. Shalom - May it be so.